My Thoughts On Relationships
To the guy that has a problem with feeling like finding or deciding who is the one, this post is for you.
I have tried it before, Valentines Day gifts and even straight up admitting feelings for someone. I feel like many guys probably go through an experience like this in some shape or form, where they feel like they are investing a large amount of time, energy, and money into a relationship that may or may not grow. Relationships can also be business and friendly too.
From what I've seen, experiences may vary, some guys would spend a lot of their time and resources on their partner and find some sort of success. Others, find no initial success and give up because they couldn't see themselves growing in the relationship or the relationship investment felt one sided.
I was the latter, I invested a good initial amount of time and resources into trying to start various relationships but found no growth. To the guy who sticks this out for years, props to you; I don't have that kind of time and tolerance. After getting rejected, of course like many I underwent difficult periods but looking back it was in those moments where I found a large amount of personal growth.
What I Learned:
1. If you don't learn to love yourself, you don't deserve someone else. I complained that I was ready many times and that it was worth rushing into a relationship back in high school but that statement already spells a recipe for disaster. Love, in its purest form does not need to be forced it should be natural and should come on its own time. My father once told me, "There's a time and place for everything."
2. When you focus on yourself, the right relationships will begin to grow. People who want to be in your life will start showing up when you start being yourself and putting yourself out there. No one wants to see someone constantly wallowing in their misery or staying down and defeated. They want to see the hero; the guy that grows from the adversity to become stronger and the best version of himself.
3. Sadness and Depression is a choice. Every day we have a choice on how to perceive our current situations. If you take a devastating event as the end, then you have adopted not a growth mindset but a fixed mindset. You feel like your in a rut, however, every storm ends eventually and when the sun comes back or when its time for you to shine again, you will be bigger than the adversity or the defeated version of your past self. This is life, an endless marathon of ups and downs. You can't control that but what you can control is your reactions to each moment.
4. You can have standards too. If you still are considering starting a relationship, I have learned to build stronger standards over time that help me decide if someone is for me or not. Don't play games and look for someone who's in it for the long run is a big one. Choose one who you know will support your dreams and you will look forward to supporting them. Choose someone who you know deep down will choose you too. Those are some examples of standards I have created for myself. Creating boundaries towards what you want in a relationship will save you from long term heart break down the road.
Life is a constant learning game and if you think that you will ever need to stay stagnant and still for the rest of your life, you're in for a painful wake up call. Stay awake and realize who is here and who is not. Who brings out your happiest and saddest side. Who do you want to keep in your life and who do you want to spend less time with. I hope you find something helpful here and please consider subscribing.
I have tried it before, Valentines Day gifts and even straight up admitting feelings for someone. I feel like many guys probably go through an experience like this in some shape or form, where they feel like they are investing a large amount of time, energy, and money into a relationship that may or may not grow. Relationships can also be business and friendly too.
From what I've seen, experiences may vary, some guys would spend a lot of their time and resources on their partner and find some sort of success. Others, find no initial success and give up because they couldn't see themselves growing in the relationship or the relationship investment felt one sided.
I was the latter, I invested a good initial amount of time and resources into trying to start various relationships but found no growth. To the guy who sticks this out for years, props to you; I don't have that kind of time and tolerance. After getting rejected, of course like many I underwent difficult periods but looking back it was in those moments where I found a large amount of personal growth.
What I Learned:
1. If you don't learn to love yourself, you don't deserve someone else. I complained that I was ready many times and that it was worth rushing into a relationship back in high school but that statement already spells a recipe for disaster. Love, in its purest form does not need to be forced it should be natural and should come on its own time. My father once told me, "There's a time and place for everything."
2. When you focus on yourself, the right relationships will begin to grow. People who want to be in your life will start showing up when you start being yourself and putting yourself out there. No one wants to see someone constantly wallowing in their misery or staying down and defeated. They want to see the hero; the guy that grows from the adversity to become stronger and the best version of himself.
3. Sadness and Depression is a choice. Every day we have a choice on how to perceive our current situations. If you take a devastating event as the end, then you have adopted not a growth mindset but a fixed mindset. You feel like your in a rut, however, every storm ends eventually and when the sun comes back or when its time for you to shine again, you will be bigger than the adversity or the defeated version of your past self. This is life, an endless marathon of ups and downs. You can't control that but what you can control is your reactions to each moment.
4. You can have standards too. If you still are considering starting a relationship, I have learned to build stronger standards over time that help me decide if someone is for me or not. Don't play games and look for someone who's in it for the long run is a big one. Choose one who you know will support your dreams and you will look forward to supporting them. Choose someone who you know deep down will choose you too. Those are some examples of standards I have created for myself. Creating boundaries towards what you want in a relationship will save you from long term heart break down the road.
Life is a constant learning game and if you think that you will ever need to stay stagnant and still for the rest of your life, you're in for a painful wake up call. Stay awake and realize who is here and who is not. Who brings out your happiest and saddest side. Who do you want to keep in your life and who do you want to spend less time with. I hope you find something helpful here and please consider subscribing.
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